he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
