So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
