that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also, beer. Big fan.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
