I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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