ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
