Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
