I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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