Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
time to smoke my breakfast
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
