Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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