its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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