Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
