Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
