The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
