party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
