when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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