he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
