matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
