i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
