dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
