Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
