I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
