Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
