Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
they're like a gay fantastic four
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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