So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
