Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
