the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
