Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
