Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
