guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
