the condom got lost in my hair
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
