i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
