Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
