I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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