I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm passing your future prison.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
