well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
