Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
