so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
