That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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