Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it glows. i had to have it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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