my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
