It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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