God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
