I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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