your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
