I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
