Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
