the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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