Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
