there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
