I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
