I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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