We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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