everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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