So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
