did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
