We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
