The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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