my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
third nipple confirmed
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
