Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you didnt know i had herpes?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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