just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
