he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
