Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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