Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
