Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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