Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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